Friday, July 15, 2011

Is there something mentally wrong with me?

For the past while now i've found myself OBSESSED with the columbine high school massacre and several other extremely violent activities and films. I don't nor have i ever loved anyone, not my parents, grandparents, any family, friends, NOBODY. I threaten to beat my mom with a baseball bat when she comes in my room. Over the past 3 years I have developed a hate for mankind. I made plans to dominate the world and kill everyone including myself. I make constant extremely complicated bank robbery plans. I am an extremely frequent and fantastic liar, I lie to friends and parents all the time to their face and they believe me every single time. I almost never show emotion. I've done things other people are afraid of me for in the past and things other people can't believe i'm not in jail for. But I've never felt bad, remorse, guilt, shame or anything for any of them. I threaten people every single day even those I call my friends who most of which I hate. Most of my friends call me crazy, insane, psycho, creepy and it makes me want to put a knife in their throat. According to my friends I am extremely violent, and the only path I see for myself in the future is crime. I don't like talking to other people AT ALL. I prefer keeping thoughts in my mind and thinking about them for a couple hours or just talking to myself when I'm home alone. I never show emotion (so my friends say) and I supposedly always talk monotone, I smile at thoughts of torture, murder, and violence. I like to draw swastikas, I like to read up on and agree with things like; national socialism, natural selection, nazis, and genocide. I have a journal or I guess notebook since I only write in it on occasion, and I frequently write things like KILL MANKIND, NAZISM, IDEAL WORLD, HATE. I'm not racist I just really like the way many of these things are done. Can somebody tell me if I'm okay. I just want to reassure that so I have someone to back me up saying that its normal to do some of this stuff and think this way.

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